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Personals

June 19, 2011

There was a time, back in the day, when Seattle was a two-newspaper town and each paper carried extensive daily classified advertising. Now, of course, we have only the Seattle Times, with the P-I an online news source only. Classified ads, too, have pretty much disappeared, with the Times running them only on Saturdays and Sundays. Fortunately, the ‘Personals,’ which the Times now calls “Announcements,’ still appear. I’ve been a ‘Personals’ reader for many years, and while most are of the routine variety (“Happy B’day, Mom!” “Robert, come home, all is forgiven” (and, yes, I’ve seen this more than once) and the ubiquitous “Thank you, St. Jude”), there regularly appear the curious, the whimsical, the humorous and the totally incomprehensible. Here are some I’ve collected over the years, just as they appeared, typos and all. (NOTE: Word Press is anything but user-friendly and will not let me format this the way I want. I’d apologize for the sloppy format but there’s nothing I can do about it.)

As a Christian, I recall a recent controversial movie

& intend to skip a popular current movie.

Wouldn’t it be funny if we could teach the monkeys

at the zoo to use a social paradigm?

Promise & Press for Me: & so does the bag man’s wife. I went to see her & I suggested to her that maybe someone had bought flood insurance. She said I know every policy that comes across this desk. I was going to ask her if she knew irrevocable beneficiary. With Love, Paid Up Wife.

M’key see, m’key do,

M’key cage in t/eagle zoo.

Sigh!/lence 

Ha Ha Ha Ha    

    Ha Ha Ha Ha   E.

                                                                                                                                                          

 Liberal pacifist would like to correspond or  meet others to start own country. No romances.  

                  

The man in the suit just bought a new car with the profit he made off your dreams

Hunter sold the team. Caviar for talent, hot dogs on the lawn for you. Good-bye

for now. RMS 

N. Congratulations on your engagement. I really do wish you well. She’ll

make you a great wife, she’s younger, prettier and probably not as bossy as

me. I was going to tell her that in person on Sat. 7/25 but she turned her back 

on my, like you did so many times. S.

Will somebody from the United Nations please call Michelle

ASAP at 206-xxx-xxxx to discuss REASONS WHY

I HAVENT’ BEEN HELPED.

 

My boat and motor has disappeared from Martha Lake Alderwood Manor since

June 10. I send my wishes that the boat breaks in half in mid-lake and that your 

mother is unsuccessful in attracting attention as she runs barking along the shore.

 

Theorizing that humans could destroy the earth in my lifetime, knowing GOD can.

Knowing Russia/China are selling nuke and biological secrets to Iran or others

with missiles that can be delivered from oil tankers to anywhere. GOD’s showing

me how to assemble other’s technology to create large space traveling objects,

Earth launched for masses of humans and animals. I choose not to spread human-kind

over the vast creation of the cosmos. I refuse to work on the plans. Enjoy 

gingerbread hell while it lasts. Jesus was true. Thomas was blue. 

Over & out to you. GCT.

 

Thank you St. Jude – Geri            

 Thank you St. Jude – S.H.             

THANK YOU ST. JUDE   E.G.     

THANK YOU ST. JUDE   MSL     

Thank you St. Jude – Elizabeth  

Thank you St. Jude – G.P.S.C.       

Thank you St. Jude – Stan              

Who is St. Jude?                                   

LOVE YA. I wanted to dream up science fiction, to goof off and have fun like 

Frank Peretti, CS Lewis and Angel Unaware Dale Evans. I didn’t want the 

Black Plague in my garbage and I knew 100% that rats cannot get in garbage

and start a black plague. My encyclopedia & dictionary stated it’s impossible

to start the Black Plague in garbage & I knew nobody was going to get the

Black Plague from my garbage.

 

4H PLEDGE                                         

CLARIFY, DROOL & SPIT          

I LOVE YOU Mollie                         

MARRY HIM? WHY BOTHER? 

Prepare to meet thy God                

Juan- Turn off the lights               

ALWAYS, PHIL. CH. I                     

“Jane’s gettin’ serious.”                 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. NRJ permalink
    October 20, 2011 11:39 pm

    Somehow I missed this episode. Really enjoyable.
    NRJ

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